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Dreams and Nightmares - Chapter Four
Chapter Four
Sam’s POV
Finally, they arrive at the diner to meet up with their father. Sam and Dean enter together and find John sitting in the back at a booth with a cup of coffee in his hands.
John looks up at them with a small smile on his face, happy that his boys are here to back him up. Sam grins widely at their Dad; pleased to know how much he trusts them to have his back while hunting monsters. They may have their differences, but Sam wants his father to get peace for their mother’s death.
They slide in the booth across from their father, both taking a long needed drink of water. Sam can feel the heat radiating off Dean’s body, and then the slight pressure of leg resting against the leg. Sam flinches at the touch and quickly moves away, sliding closer to the edge of the booth.
John takes in the scene with raised eyebrows. What happened? Why is Sam so keen on getting away from his brother when he is near his idol?
“So, how was the trip, boys?” John asks and shakes his head.
“The trip was fine, Dad. Drove straight through. Sam slept in the car, only taking breaks to read his book.” Dean teases.
Sam makes a face at Dean’s teasing but answers readily enough. “Dean was a champ. Kept us on track.” He tells his father with a smile across his face.
“Glad things went well.” Happy that he’d read the situation wrong. John continues. “So I got some more information about this hunt. The creature is some form of a shape-shifter. The victims’ relatives shared they saw their family member talking to a tall and muscular man with black shoulder length hair, high cheek bones, and thick red lips. The few that spoke to him said he was very witty and intelligent towards others around the area.”
“Is it a God or spirit, Dad?” Sam asks, leaning forward, and his gaze locked on his father.
“I think it’s a spirit. A spirit that can turn from a dark-winged creature to a human being. They have the power to control people’s dreams. Well more like their nightmares. Making their nightmares come true at their own hands.”
“A spirit and a shape-shifter… At least it can be killed with silver bullets. How will we know who this guy is?” Dean asks.
“Well, he’s pretty distinctive looking. Very pale, from what I got out of our waitress.” Sam looked at him curiously. “Her boyfriend’s nightmare was suicide. He hung himself in the basement. A rubber piece of skin found near his body.”
“So the shape-shifter shifts into their true form at their victim’s death or their final minutes?” Sam asks fascinated by this creature.
“That’s what I’m thinking, Sam. The creature turns to their true form in their pleasure of watching their victim die. The skin is black and red; rubber like, but somehow stretches like human skin.” John shakes his head at facing this creature.
“So, what’s the plan, Dad?” Dean asks.
Sam thinks it’s the way Dad has been ignoring Dean since they got here. Maybe Dad is still pissed about the sparring match? Not that that’s fair for Dean. Sam watches Dean slouch in the booth and wishes his brother had the guts to stand up to their Dad and say what he is thinking. Dean never says what he truly feels, thinks, or wants about any given situation. It frustrates him to the point of wanting to kick his brother’s ass when they return to the parking lot. Then he remembers those dreams in his head for the past few days wondering if they ever crossed that line, he hoped Dean would open up to him, truly open up or stay in his shell forever. Dean deserves to be happy like everyone else and do what his heart desires in the long run.
Sam watched his Dad take in his brother’s question as his eyebrow raised to his hairline and waits for the response.
“You boys will need to do some research and visit the local morgue to see the victims and the skin found next to the body. I will conduct the interviews with law enforcement and we will be ready to find this creature and put them down for good.”
“Sounds like a plan, Dad. We’ll get right on it after some well-needed rest.” Dean whispers, knowing how much Dean hates research, but he’s still not ready to cross his father.
“Yeah, Dad, after some well-needed rest.” Sam agrees and knows it’s the best option to plan his escape from his brother and father.
~*~*~
They all leave the diner within a few minutes of each other. John takes off down the road and heads for the local bar while Sam and Dean head towards the motel. Dean heads towards the office to get a room. Sam hangs back, watching the way Dean walks with long steady strides with a slight waddle due to his bowlegs and the clench of his ass with each step he takes.
Sam sighs and blushes at the image of his brother and decides this is the best time for him to escape. He has his duffle bag hanging off his shoulder and he turns back up the road towards the diner.
Sam nervously enters the diner and finds the waitress that served them earlier that night.
“Hey, is there a bus station nearby?” He asks with a warm smile on his face.
“Hi, yeah there is, about six blocks up the road.” She responds with a friendly smile on her thin lips.
“Thanks.” He tells her and heads his way up the road to the station.
He buys a bus ticket to Maine with cash that he pick-pocketed from Dean’s duffle bag while he was getting them a room in the office. Sam needs to get away and go to an unknown place, to clear his mind and think about the dreams he has had about his brother and how he feels about them.
He loves his brother, don’t get him wrong, but in a romantic way? It’s wrong and taboo. How can he love Dean like his father loved his mother? Maybe it’s not so far off course to think about Dean in this way. Sam has always thought that he and Dean were closer than most typical brothers; the bond they share is deeper with understanding and respect for one another. And then there’s the urge to stand up and protect the other at all costs. Maybe this feeling was deeper than he ever could have imagined. Maybe Sam could accept it in himself, but how would Dean feel learning about this information? And Dad? Would they understand it and accept it for what it’s worth, or run from the freak Sam truly is after all?
No, Sam decided. Dean might freak out, but then he’d think long and hard about how he feels about the situation and – hopefully - the hidden and embarrassed feelings he holds close to his heart. Maybe Dean was afraid his feelings would mean something to someone else, including his own brother and father.
Sam shakes his head at his thoughts and takes a seat on the ratty bench and waits a half hour for his bus to arrive. He thinks about Dean, and how he feels being alone, and he keeps looking for his brother. Dean’s not stupid and he’s always thought about Sam first. If Sam is missing Dean is going to find him. There is fear, shame and guilt pulsing through his veins for leaving Dean, and it will piss him off and leave him wondering why Sam left in the first place. Sam feels bad, but how can he tell his older brother, his hero, and protector “hey, I freaked out over wet dreams about you?” Can Sam do that? Hell, no. Not even if he was in a relationship that is so tight and strong.
He hopes that Dean understands that Sam needs space to cool down for a few days from the long, road trip cross country. Sam hopes his father doesn’t discover he is missing and left Dean a sitting duck in a motel alone.
The announcement over the intercom lets him know his bus is here. He heads outside and boards, glad for the space to think about his feelings for his brother. Sam wants to figure out deep within his soul his feelings for his brother and how to deal with them before having that “chick-flick moment” with his brother about it.
It’s so stupid. They should be able to talk openly about their feelings and not be afraid of the consequences, or being judged for the thoughts running through his head. Dean has always been supportive of his choices and thoughts, whether he truly understands them or not. His brother might not be the sharpest crayon in the box, but Dean is smart for his own good.
He leans back in his seat, head resting on the window. God, he can’t believe he is running away? Well, not true. The dreams freak him out because they started after he kept looking at Dean like that during the sparring match with their father.
As the bus pulls away from the station and rides along the interstate, Sam stares out the window. The trees, the clear night sky is filled with bright golden stars, a fitting backdrop to his thoughts. Sam has noticed his brother in a new light and now he’s scared that Dean won’t understand the love he has for him. If he is honest with himself, these dreams are showing him what he truly wants in life. Their life has never been easy and to fall in love with your brother, is like taboo.
Sam’s brain stops. Did he just say that he’s in love with his brother? Shit! Sam’s mind spirals for minutes before the new emotions pulse beneath his skin, urging him to get back home, to get back to Dean. But Sam ignores it. He needs some time to clear his thoughts and figure out his feelings about what he wants – does he want Dean to become his lover? Sam needs to answer these questions honestly before he can decide on how to approach the topic with Dean. His brother will freak out on him if he were to make the first move, but then again, it would have to be him. Dean can’t even share his feelings with Sam or even their father. It’s a lesson he would love to teach Dean, the importance of expressing oneself with others.
Sam settles in, listening to the quiet sounds of the bus’s radio and the simple, easy beat coming through the speakers. Looking out the window, he sees towns, neighborhoods, and families along the route to his final destination. He sees the hope, peacefulness, and acceptance of others doing what they want to do and fighting for what they want in their life.
And all he can think about is Dean. What is his brother doing at this moment? What does Dad think about it? Have they found anything about the creature? Will Dean get over this episode and want to continue to protect him after all?
Dean might be pissed, but he will forgive Sam regardless. Sam has come to know that Dean can never stay mad or angry at Sam or his actions, no matter what. He only hopes that Dean will understand why he ran; the sick and twisted thoughts running through his head.
Which turns his thoughts back to his brother – well, his body. Sam has been watching Dean truly grow into himself. He figured Dean would have before he reached 18, but then again, Dean has seemed to be a late bloomer. His mind too focused on his little brother then who he was after all, until now. The new muscles Dean has forming, and the freckles that cover his entire body, suit him to his core. And Sam wants to touch, to explore, to feel, and fuck senseless against a wall or the mattress. He wants to watch the pure ecstasy on Dean’s face and watch him come against himself as Sam comes in his brother’s tight and waiting hole.
Caught in his thoughts, Sam didn’t realize the bus stopped at its destination and is just sitting at the platform in the station. He shakes his head, gathers his belongings, and gets off the bus where he steps out into a sauna from the nice cool air contained bus.
~*~*~
Dean’s POV
The man behind the front desk is on his cell phone and arguing with a potential customer over needing a room for a man in a wheelchair. He can hear the man arguing out loud, unaware of a customer standing in front of him. Dean shakes his head and wonders how people treat others that are different from them when they have no clue about the situation they are in. Despite his understanding, he stands there in annoyance, arms crossed, and eyes towards the ceiling, at the amount of time dealt with the customer.
Dean was tired and so was Sam. The last cat nap Sam had was interesting to say the least, and it worried Dean that he didn’t know what was going on with his brother. Dean was never the one to express his feelings or have the will to be open with others about anything; Sam was more like that and it suited his personality. But now he was acting differently…He was the kid that always knew what he wanted in life and knew how to achieve it, and didn’t mind telling you! Sometimes he wished he was more like Sam.
The clerk behind the desk finally finished up with the man in the wheelchair, and Dean stepped up to ask for a room.
“How can I help you sir?” The man asked.
“One room. Two double beds for a week.”
“That will be 400 for the week. Room 124.” The clerk hands Dean the keys as he hands the man the money for the room.
“Thanks, man.” He says with a nod.
Dean pockets the keys and heads back out towards the car and his brother. Sam is most likely leaning against the Impala with his arms crossed against his chest with a look of aggravation on his face. Dean can imagine the look of frustration that it took forever at getting a room and pointed questions wondering if Dean couldn’t score some chicks number.
To be honest, Dean isn’t interested in random hook ups and it surprises him. Instead of looking to strangers for affection, he is looking at Sam. He felt the warmth of Sam’s large, strong hands around his ankles and the simple gestures between them lately. It’s been good for his psyche, good for their relationship, really. Dean never really gave anyone the opportunity into his heart or love for that matter. He only let in his Dad and brother, though his father is an oversight to say the least.
Dean loves his father… but at the same time he wonders what the man truly thinks of his oldest son. Does he care about Dean as a son or his military soldier? Does John even understand the struggles and challenges he deals with in the world for the life they lead, or is it pushed to the side to focus on Sam? Sam, the better son, the son with promise and hope, while Dean is the one, to make mistakes for following orders like a good little soldier.
Dean tries not to think of the differences between them, but sometimes it’s hard to do. He feels lucky that he is confident in his own body, and understands the strength he holds. Dean knows that his body can be used as a weapon, and it’s becoming stronger all the time. The muscles he is forming raises his self-esteem and knows what a great fighter he’s becoming. Dean’s transforming into a soldier, obedient to a fault, a right-hand man. No girl would want him and he knows it. He is the equivalent of a douchebag, which no girl would be caught dead bringing him home to show off to her parents.
He has come to realize that he is a mixture of his Dad and Sam, with a touch of his Mother. Dean has never had the time to discover who he truly is, because all he ever got in life was taking care of Sam and following his Dad’s orders and commands. He cringes at the thought that he knows his family better then he knows himself. What kind of person does that?
Someone who has not had the opportunity at being their own self growing up and learning who they are and what they want out of life.
Dean knows he has a pretty decent relationship with Sam, who in his own way supports Dean at making the right decisions and choices for them as a team. John on the other hand barks orders at him and see him as a soldier, not a son. Dean can remember many nights being scolded by their Dad for the irresponsible actions he made when it came to Sammy. He can remember leaving Sam in the motel room while Dean played arcade games in a bar; a monster came, Dean wasn’t there to protect him, and Sam almost got hurt or worse, killed. Dad ripped him apart verbally for not doing what he was told and since then Dean has to prove to his father he can rely on him. Dean was a kid too and deserved to be a kid like his brother. It’s one thing he missed out on life, something that he will never get back.
Shaking his head, Dean brushes off his thoughts. He can’t worry about that now when he knows Sam is waiting for him. Dean picks up his pace to get to Sam quicker, eager to head to their room for the night. They will be there at least a week, so they may as well get comfortable and settled in.
Dean gets closer to the Impala, his baby, and as he cites the car, he starts to stagger as the muscles tighten ridiculously throughout his body. As he gets closer to the car, and all he can hear is the beating of his own heart. He has trouble catching his breath as he realizes that Sam is not there where he should be waiting for him.
Dean rocks in place, darting his gaze across the parking lot.
“Sam?” Is that his voice? It sounds so far away and trembling with fear.
Dean never gets afraid of anything, but it’s a lie. This is his worst nightmare. Deep down, he is afraid of losing his brother. He never wants to know what life is without his brother. Despite this fear all he can think about is where is Sam and what will Dad do once he finds out Sam is missing?
Dean calls Sam in an attempt to locate his brother. His phone doesn’t even ring - it goes straight to voice mail and now Dean’s face turns ashen and in a shrill voice rises ten folds. His breathing is shallow and he sits on the hood of the car. He tries thinking about the last few days and why Sam would leave in the first place. Was he kidnapped? No. No… there is no sign of a scuffle and Sam’s belongings are all gone. So why did he run? Did Dean do something that pushed Sam away? The insecurities shuddering his body make him sweat uncomfortably. He can feel it drip down his shoulder blades, pooling at his lower back. He makes no effort to brush it away.
He can’t process. Hopping off the hood, he moves and sits behind the wheel of Baby. He turns the key and peels out of the motel parking lot. Dean heads in the direction of the diner, which is now closed for the night. As he continues down the road and notices the bus station. Dean pulls into the parking lot and gets out. He walks in and looks around: no sight of Sam. Dean can feel the fear picking up and sweat continues pouring down his body. Sam is not here. Not anywhere to be found. Dean kicks himself, and blames himself for Sam leaving and prays he will come back.
Dean drives down the road for an hour before turning around and heading back to the motel. Parked in the parking lot is his father’s large, black truck. He slowly pulls the Impala next to the truck and turns the engine off. Quickly grabbing his belongings, he heads into his room, locking the door behind. Dean throws the bag onto the bed and looks through it to grab the salt to make the salt lines.
Turning on the TV, Dean waits for the shoe to drop. What is he going to tell his father? He takes a deep breath and the door opens without him realizing it.
“Boys? Are you here?”
Dean breathes in deep and closes his eyes tight at the heavy footsteps of his Dad entering their room. He holds his breathe and waits for his father’s response.
“Dean! Where the hell is Sam?” He shouts.
“I – I don’t know. I went looking for him.” Dean tells his father avoiding eye contact. He can’t look at the disappointment that is most likely on his face.
“Dean! Look at me son. Now!” John yells, and yeah, his flaring nostrils, chin held high, and the sound of knuckles cracking.
“Yes, Sir!” Dean responds. His body begins to shake in fear at the anger radiates through from his father.
“Where could he have gone? And what happened to make him leave Dean?” He shouts and sways on his feet.
Dean takes a hard look at his father and realizes he face is mere inches away from him. Dean realizes he is drunk, he can smell the liquor on his breath, and he won’t remember much in the morning. Despite his father’s drunken state, Dean can’t control the shakes and shivers, racking his body completely freaks him out and he can’t control the uneasiness he feels in his gut. The look on John’s face is the same as when they were sparring in training a few days ago.
Before Dean can even respond to his Dad, he is on the floor. Blinking, he can see spots and more than one Dad fills his line of vision. John just punched him in the face. Feeling around his eye, Dean knows the bruise will be killer once it forms on his pale face.
“I don’t know where Sam went. And I would never do anything to make him leave!” Dean screams at his father. It’s with the same force he used behind his kick. He sways as he gets up and stumbles, once he is on his feet.
John comes at Dean again and lands a punch to Dean’s solar plexus. Dean doubles over as the air is
forced out of his lungs.
“Where could he have gone Dean?” His Dad is throwing another punch to Dean’s gut even as he speaks.
Dean manages to dodge. And answer the question. “I don’t know. I’ve already looked at the bus station.” Dean says looking up into his Dad’s eyes, locking their gaze, “Maybe he took the bus out of town.” He lowers his eyes and backs away into the bathroom.
“Well, you better find him! I mean it, Dean.” John orders loud and clear as he exits the room.
Dean turns towards the mirror above the sink. His left eye is already swollen shut and turning into a dark purple of a bruise. He lifts his shirt up inch by inch and watches another set of dark purple bruises form against his chest. Bile rises up his throat and he turns in time to vomit in the toilet. He needs to find Sammy, or his father will truly disown him. Despite the need to find Sam right away he thinks about a shower.
Dean makes a decision.
Turning on the shower, Dean waits for the water to get hot before stepping under the stream.
He shakes violently in the stall and watches his breathing because it fucking hurts. His Dad beat the shit out of him - like he would purposefully make Sam leave or do something to make Sam leave. Never in his life.
Why does Dad think I’m this horrible evil person? I will always take care of Sam no matter what the costs are. But something made Sam leave, and Dean wishes he knew what that was.
Dean scrubs his skin raw under the pounding water until it starts to run ice cold. He towel dries himself off and grabs the sweats and T-shirt he placed on the toilet seat cover, to head out and grab some ice for his bruises. He makes a couple of trips at collecting enough ice to help the swelling and bruising. Hopefully no one will question him at what happened to him. Dean is still shocked at how drunk his father was, despite the way he carried himself into Dean’s room.
Taking a moment to look through the drawers in the kitchen and finds some zip-locked bags, he makes two bags full, and lays down on the bed, placing one on his chest and the other one his eye.
He lays there and wonders why he gets the short end of the stick. Maybe if he was smarter and applied himself more they might look at him differently. Dean wishes he could be more like Sammy and live up to his potential, though he needs to truly discover who he really is before that could happen.
Sighing, he continues to think about possible reasons behind Sam’s disappearance and his father being so pissed off at him. Pissed off enough to beat him again. It was that sparring match all over again. He doesn’t know what to do, all he knows is he wants things to be different, wants to be respected for who he is, and to be given the time to discover who he is in this world with his brother and father.
He makes another attempt at looking for his brother but gets nowhere, Dean can’t find him. Pissed off at not being a better brother and hunter, he heads to the motel and will try again in the morning.
Chapter Five
Sam’s POV
Finally, they arrive at the diner to meet up with their father. Sam and Dean enter together and find John sitting in the back at a booth with a cup of coffee in his hands.
John looks up at them with a small smile on his face, happy that his boys are here to back him up. Sam grins widely at their Dad; pleased to know how much he trusts them to have his back while hunting monsters. They may have their differences, but Sam wants his father to get peace for their mother’s death.
They slide in the booth across from their father, both taking a long needed drink of water. Sam can feel the heat radiating off Dean’s body, and then the slight pressure of leg resting against the leg. Sam flinches at the touch and quickly moves away, sliding closer to the edge of the booth.
John takes in the scene with raised eyebrows. What happened? Why is Sam so keen on getting away from his brother when he is near his idol?
“So, how was the trip, boys?” John asks and shakes his head.
“The trip was fine, Dad. Drove straight through. Sam slept in the car, only taking breaks to read his book.” Dean teases.
Sam makes a face at Dean’s teasing but answers readily enough. “Dean was a champ. Kept us on track.” He tells his father with a smile across his face.
“Glad things went well.” Happy that he’d read the situation wrong. John continues. “So I got some more information about this hunt. The creature is some form of a shape-shifter. The victims’ relatives shared they saw their family member talking to a tall and muscular man with black shoulder length hair, high cheek bones, and thick red lips. The few that spoke to him said he was very witty and intelligent towards others around the area.”
“Is it a God or spirit, Dad?” Sam asks, leaning forward, and his gaze locked on his father.
“I think it’s a spirit. A spirit that can turn from a dark-winged creature to a human being. They have the power to control people’s dreams. Well more like their nightmares. Making their nightmares come true at their own hands.”
“A spirit and a shape-shifter… At least it can be killed with silver bullets. How will we know who this guy is?” Dean asks.
“Well, he’s pretty distinctive looking. Very pale, from what I got out of our waitress.” Sam looked at him curiously. “Her boyfriend’s nightmare was suicide. He hung himself in the basement. A rubber piece of skin found near his body.”
“So the shape-shifter shifts into their true form at their victim’s death or their final minutes?” Sam asks fascinated by this creature.
“That’s what I’m thinking, Sam. The creature turns to their true form in their pleasure of watching their victim die. The skin is black and red; rubber like, but somehow stretches like human skin.” John shakes his head at facing this creature.
“So, what’s the plan, Dad?” Dean asks.
Sam thinks it’s the way Dad has been ignoring Dean since they got here. Maybe Dad is still pissed about the sparring match? Not that that’s fair for Dean. Sam watches Dean slouch in the booth and wishes his brother had the guts to stand up to their Dad and say what he is thinking. Dean never says what he truly feels, thinks, or wants about any given situation. It frustrates him to the point of wanting to kick his brother’s ass when they return to the parking lot. Then he remembers those dreams in his head for the past few days wondering if they ever crossed that line, he hoped Dean would open up to him, truly open up or stay in his shell forever. Dean deserves to be happy like everyone else and do what his heart desires in the long run.
Sam watched his Dad take in his brother’s question as his eyebrow raised to his hairline and waits for the response.
“You boys will need to do some research and visit the local morgue to see the victims and the skin found next to the body. I will conduct the interviews with law enforcement and we will be ready to find this creature and put them down for good.”
“Sounds like a plan, Dad. We’ll get right on it after some well-needed rest.” Dean whispers, knowing how much Dean hates research, but he’s still not ready to cross his father.
“Yeah, Dad, after some well-needed rest.” Sam agrees and knows it’s the best option to plan his escape from his brother and father.
~*~*~
They all leave the diner within a few minutes of each other. John takes off down the road and heads for the local bar while Sam and Dean head towards the motel. Dean heads towards the office to get a room. Sam hangs back, watching the way Dean walks with long steady strides with a slight waddle due to his bowlegs and the clench of his ass with each step he takes.
Sam sighs and blushes at the image of his brother and decides this is the best time for him to escape. He has his duffle bag hanging off his shoulder and he turns back up the road towards the diner.
Sam nervously enters the diner and finds the waitress that served them earlier that night.
“Hey, is there a bus station nearby?” He asks with a warm smile on his face.
“Hi, yeah there is, about six blocks up the road.” She responds with a friendly smile on her thin lips.
“Thanks.” He tells her and heads his way up the road to the station.
He buys a bus ticket to Maine with cash that he pick-pocketed from Dean’s duffle bag while he was getting them a room in the office. Sam needs to get away and go to an unknown place, to clear his mind and think about the dreams he has had about his brother and how he feels about them.
He loves his brother, don’t get him wrong, but in a romantic way? It’s wrong and taboo. How can he love Dean like his father loved his mother? Maybe it’s not so far off course to think about Dean in this way. Sam has always thought that he and Dean were closer than most typical brothers; the bond they share is deeper with understanding and respect for one another. And then there’s the urge to stand up and protect the other at all costs. Maybe this feeling was deeper than he ever could have imagined. Maybe Sam could accept it in himself, but how would Dean feel learning about this information? And Dad? Would they understand it and accept it for what it’s worth, or run from the freak Sam truly is after all?
No, Sam decided. Dean might freak out, but then he’d think long and hard about how he feels about the situation and – hopefully - the hidden and embarrassed feelings he holds close to his heart. Maybe Dean was afraid his feelings would mean something to someone else, including his own brother and father.
Sam shakes his head at his thoughts and takes a seat on the ratty bench and waits a half hour for his bus to arrive. He thinks about Dean, and how he feels being alone, and he keeps looking for his brother. Dean’s not stupid and he’s always thought about Sam first. If Sam is missing Dean is going to find him. There is fear, shame and guilt pulsing through his veins for leaving Dean, and it will piss him off and leave him wondering why Sam left in the first place. Sam feels bad, but how can he tell his older brother, his hero, and protector “hey, I freaked out over wet dreams about you?” Can Sam do that? Hell, no. Not even if he was in a relationship that is so tight and strong.
He hopes that Dean understands that Sam needs space to cool down for a few days from the long, road trip cross country. Sam hopes his father doesn’t discover he is missing and left Dean a sitting duck in a motel alone.
The announcement over the intercom lets him know his bus is here. He heads outside and boards, glad for the space to think about his feelings for his brother. Sam wants to figure out deep within his soul his feelings for his brother and how to deal with them before having that “chick-flick moment” with his brother about it.
It’s so stupid. They should be able to talk openly about their feelings and not be afraid of the consequences, or being judged for the thoughts running through his head. Dean has always been supportive of his choices and thoughts, whether he truly understands them or not. His brother might not be the sharpest crayon in the box, but Dean is smart for his own good.
He leans back in his seat, head resting on the window. God, he can’t believe he is running away? Well, not true. The dreams freak him out because they started after he kept looking at Dean like that during the sparring match with their father.
As the bus pulls away from the station and rides along the interstate, Sam stares out the window. The trees, the clear night sky is filled with bright golden stars, a fitting backdrop to his thoughts. Sam has noticed his brother in a new light and now he’s scared that Dean won’t understand the love he has for him. If he is honest with himself, these dreams are showing him what he truly wants in life. Their life has never been easy and to fall in love with your brother, is like taboo.
Sam’s brain stops. Did he just say that he’s in love with his brother? Shit! Sam’s mind spirals for minutes before the new emotions pulse beneath his skin, urging him to get back home, to get back to Dean. But Sam ignores it. He needs some time to clear his thoughts and figure out his feelings about what he wants – does he want Dean to become his lover? Sam needs to answer these questions honestly before he can decide on how to approach the topic with Dean. His brother will freak out on him if he were to make the first move, but then again, it would have to be him. Dean can’t even share his feelings with Sam or even their father. It’s a lesson he would love to teach Dean, the importance of expressing oneself with others.
Sam settles in, listening to the quiet sounds of the bus’s radio and the simple, easy beat coming through the speakers. Looking out the window, he sees towns, neighborhoods, and families along the route to his final destination. He sees the hope, peacefulness, and acceptance of others doing what they want to do and fighting for what they want in their life.
And all he can think about is Dean. What is his brother doing at this moment? What does Dad think about it? Have they found anything about the creature? Will Dean get over this episode and want to continue to protect him after all?
Dean might be pissed, but he will forgive Sam regardless. Sam has come to know that Dean can never stay mad or angry at Sam or his actions, no matter what. He only hopes that Dean will understand why he ran; the sick and twisted thoughts running through his head.
Which turns his thoughts back to his brother – well, his body. Sam has been watching Dean truly grow into himself. He figured Dean would have before he reached 18, but then again, Dean has seemed to be a late bloomer. His mind too focused on his little brother then who he was after all, until now. The new muscles Dean has forming, and the freckles that cover his entire body, suit him to his core. And Sam wants to touch, to explore, to feel, and fuck senseless against a wall or the mattress. He wants to watch the pure ecstasy on Dean’s face and watch him come against himself as Sam comes in his brother’s tight and waiting hole.
Caught in his thoughts, Sam didn’t realize the bus stopped at its destination and is just sitting at the platform in the station. He shakes his head, gathers his belongings, and gets off the bus where he steps out into a sauna from the nice cool air contained bus.
~*~*~
Dean’s POV
The man behind the front desk is on his cell phone and arguing with a potential customer over needing a room for a man in a wheelchair. He can hear the man arguing out loud, unaware of a customer standing in front of him. Dean shakes his head and wonders how people treat others that are different from them when they have no clue about the situation they are in. Despite his understanding, he stands there in annoyance, arms crossed, and eyes towards the ceiling, at the amount of time dealt with the customer.
Dean was tired and so was Sam. The last cat nap Sam had was interesting to say the least, and it worried Dean that he didn’t know what was going on with his brother. Dean was never the one to express his feelings or have the will to be open with others about anything; Sam was more like that and it suited his personality. But now he was acting differently…He was the kid that always knew what he wanted in life and knew how to achieve it, and didn’t mind telling you! Sometimes he wished he was more like Sam.
The clerk behind the desk finally finished up with the man in the wheelchair, and Dean stepped up to ask for a room.
“How can I help you sir?” The man asked.
“One room. Two double beds for a week.”
“That will be 400 for the week. Room 124.” The clerk hands Dean the keys as he hands the man the money for the room.
“Thanks, man.” He says with a nod.
Dean pockets the keys and heads back out towards the car and his brother. Sam is most likely leaning against the Impala with his arms crossed against his chest with a look of aggravation on his face. Dean can imagine the look of frustration that it took forever at getting a room and pointed questions wondering if Dean couldn’t score some chicks number.
To be honest, Dean isn’t interested in random hook ups and it surprises him. Instead of looking to strangers for affection, he is looking at Sam. He felt the warmth of Sam’s large, strong hands around his ankles and the simple gestures between them lately. It’s been good for his psyche, good for their relationship, really. Dean never really gave anyone the opportunity into his heart or love for that matter. He only let in his Dad and brother, though his father is an oversight to say the least.
Dean loves his father… but at the same time he wonders what the man truly thinks of his oldest son. Does he care about Dean as a son or his military soldier? Does John even understand the struggles and challenges he deals with in the world for the life they lead, or is it pushed to the side to focus on Sam? Sam, the better son, the son with promise and hope, while Dean is the one, to make mistakes for following orders like a good little soldier.
Dean tries not to think of the differences between them, but sometimes it’s hard to do. He feels lucky that he is confident in his own body, and understands the strength he holds. Dean knows that his body can be used as a weapon, and it’s becoming stronger all the time. The muscles he is forming raises his self-esteem and knows what a great fighter he’s becoming. Dean’s transforming into a soldier, obedient to a fault, a right-hand man. No girl would want him and he knows it. He is the equivalent of a douchebag, which no girl would be caught dead bringing him home to show off to her parents.
He has come to realize that he is a mixture of his Dad and Sam, with a touch of his Mother. Dean has never had the time to discover who he truly is, because all he ever got in life was taking care of Sam and following his Dad’s orders and commands. He cringes at the thought that he knows his family better then he knows himself. What kind of person does that?
Someone who has not had the opportunity at being their own self growing up and learning who they are and what they want out of life.
Dean knows he has a pretty decent relationship with Sam, who in his own way supports Dean at making the right decisions and choices for them as a team. John on the other hand barks orders at him and see him as a soldier, not a son. Dean can remember many nights being scolded by their Dad for the irresponsible actions he made when it came to Sammy. He can remember leaving Sam in the motel room while Dean played arcade games in a bar; a monster came, Dean wasn’t there to protect him, and Sam almost got hurt or worse, killed. Dad ripped him apart verbally for not doing what he was told and since then Dean has to prove to his father he can rely on him. Dean was a kid too and deserved to be a kid like his brother. It’s one thing he missed out on life, something that he will never get back.
Shaking his head, Dean brushes off his thoughts. He can’t worry about that now when he knows Sam is waiting for him. Dean picks up his pace to get to Sam quicker, eager to head to their room for the night. They will be there at least a week, so they may as well get comfortable and settled in.
Dean gets closer to the Impala, his baby, and as he cites the car, he starts to stagger as the muscles tighten ridiculously throughout his body. As he gets closer to the car, and all he can hear is the beating of his own heart. He has trouble catching his breath as he realizes that Sam is not there where he should be waiting for him.
Dean rocks in place, darting his gaze across the parking lot.
“Sam?” Is that his voice? It sounds so far away and trembling with fear.
Dean never gets afraid of anything, but it’s a lie. This is his worst nightmare. Deep down, he is afraid of losing his brother. He never wants to know what life is without his brother. Despite this fear all he can think about is where is Sam and what will Dad do once he finds out Sam is missing?
Dean calls Sam in an attempt to locate his brother. His phone doesn’t even ring - it goes straight to voice mail and now Dean’s face turns ashen and in a shrill voice rises ten folds. His breathing is shallow and he sits on the hood of the car. He tries thinking about the last few days and why Sam would leave in the first place. Was he kidnapped? No. No… there is no sign of a scuffle and Sam’s belongings are all gone. So why did he run? Did Dean do something that pushed Sam away? The insecurities shuddering his body make him sweat uncomfortably. He can feel it drip down his shoulder blades, pooling at his lower back. He makes no effort to brush it away.
He can’t process. Hopping off the hood, he moves and sits behind the wheel of Baby. He turns the key and peels out of the motel parking lot. Dean heads in the direction of the diner, which is now closed for the night. As he continues down the road and notices the bus station. Dean pulls into the parking lot and gets out. He walks in and looks around: no sight of Sam. Dean can feel the fear picking up and sweat continues pouring down his body. Sam is not here. Not anywhere to be found. Dean kicks himself, and blames himself for Sam leaving and prays he will come back.
Dean drives down the road for an hour before turning around and heading back to the motel. Parked in the parking lot is his father’s large, black truck. He slowly pulls the Impala next to the truck and turns the engine off. Quickly grabbing his belongings, he heads into his room, locking the door behind. Dean throws the bag onto the bed and looks through it to grab the salt to make the salt lines.
Turning on the TV, Dean waits for the shoe to drop. What is he going to tell his father? He takes a deep breath and the door opens without him realizing it.
“Boys? Are you here?”
Dean breathes in deep and closes his eyes tight at the heavy footsteps of his Dad entering their room. He holds his breathe and waits for his father’s response.
“Dean! Where the hell is Sam?” He shouts.
“I – I don’t know. I went looking for him.” Dean tells his father avoiding eye contact. He can’t look at the disappointment that is most likely on his face.
“Dean! Look at me son. Now!” John yells, and yeah, his flaring nostrils, chin held high, and the sound of knuckles cracking.
“Yes, Sir!” Dean responds. His body begins to shake in fear at the anger radiates through from his father.
“Where could he have gone? And what happened to make him leave Dean?” He shouts and sways on his feet.
Dean takes a hard look at his father and realizes he face is mere inches away from him. Dean realizes he is drunk, he can smell the liquor on his breath, and he won’t remember much in the morning. Despite his father’s drunken state, Dean can’t control the shakes and shivers, racking his body completely freaks him out and he can’t control the uneasiness he feels in his gut. The look on John’s face is the same as when they were sparring in training a few days ago.
Before Dean can even respond to his Dad, he is on the floor. Blinking, he can see spots and more than one Dad fills his line of vision. John just punched him in the face. Feeling around his eye, Dean knows the bruise will be killer once it forms on his pale face.
“I don’t know where Sam went. And I would never do anything to make him leave!” Dean screams at his father. It’s with the same force he used behind his kick. He sways as he gets up and stumbles, once he is on his feet.
John comes at Dean again and lands a punch to Dean’s solar plexus. Dean doubles over as the air is
forced out of his lungs.
“Where could he have gone Dean?” His Dad is throwing another punch to Dean’s gut even as he speaks.
Dean manages to dodge. And answer the question. “I don’t know. I’ve already looked at the bus station.” Dean says looking up into his Dad’s eyes, locking their gaze, “Maybe he took the bus out of town.” He lowers his eyes and backs away into the bathroom.
“Well, you better find him! I mean it, Dean.” John orders loud and clear as he exits the room.
Dean turns towards the mirror above the sink. His left eye is already swollen shut and turning into a dark purple of a bruise. He lifts his shirt up inch by inch and watches another set of dark purple bruises form against his chest. Bile rises up his throat and he turns in time to vomit in the toilet. He needs to find Sammy, or his father will truly disown him. Despite the need to find Sam right away he thinks about a shower.
Dean makes a decision.
Turning on the shower, Dean waits for the water to get hot before stepping under the stream.
He shakes violently in the stall and watches his breathing because it fucking hurts. His Dad beat the shit out of him - like he would purposefully make Sam leave or do something to make Sam leave. Never in his life.
Why does Dad think I’m this horrible evil person? I will always take care of Sam no matter what the costs are. But something made Sam leave, and Dean wishes he knew what that was.
Dean scrubs his skin raw under the pounding water until it starts to run ice cold. He towel dries himself off and grabs the sweats and T-shirt he placed on the toilet seat cover, to head out and grab some ice for his bruises. He makes a couple of trips at collecting enough ice to help the swelling and bruising. Hopefully no one will question him at what happened to him. Dean is still shocked at how drunk his father was, despite the way he carried himself into Dean’s room.
Taking a moment to look through the drawers in the kitchen and finds some zip-locked bags, he makes two bags full, and lays down on the bed, placing one on his chest and the other one his eye.
He lays there and wonders why he gets the short end of the stick. Maybe if he was smarter and applied himself more they might look at him differently. Dean wishes he could be more like Sammy and live up to his potential, though he needs to truly discover who he really is before that could happen.
Sighing, he continues to think about possible reasons behind Sam’s disappearance and his father being so pissed off at him. Pissed off enough to beat him again. It was that sparring match all over again. He doesn’t know what to do, all he knows is he wants things to be different, wants to be respected for who he is, and to be given the time to discover who he is in this world with his brother and father.
He makes another attempt at looking for his brother but gets nowhere, Dean can’t find him. Pissed off at not being a better brother and hunter, he heads to the motel and will try again in the morning.
Chapter Five