yonkyu: (Default)
[personal profile] yonkyu
I usually don't talk much about dating or romantic relationships because it's a very emotional topic. A little back story is that my first boyfriend was when I was 19, fall semester of college, which runs from September to the end of January. He broke up with me over AIM. Instant Messenger. The day after the Superbowl on 2003. Quite sad that I remember all the details about it.

Anyway, I've been single ever since. I dated a few people over the years and they pretty much wanted a one night stand. I ended the date before anything could happen.

I have a friend who worries about me and the idea of dating. We don't talk much about it, but I know deep down she wants me to have that just like she does.

I was at an event with my friend and there was drinking (alcohol) and comments were made and overheard. I'm still shocked that men want to drink and meet a girl, give her drinks, to get drunk, and to sleep with said girl. I was floored, shocked, but yet, not surprised by this. I can't believe men feel this is the best way to get a girl.

Though, it hit me, why I was still single, or the possibility of staying single. And the feeling of not being attractive enough, or sexy enough for someone else really hit hard. It was quite obvious that men want skinny girls with boobs or not, long legs, tanned skin, and a pretty smile. I have none of these qualities according to these "men" and was very uncomfortable. It's why I don't understand the whole dating thing. I would love to be in a relationship (man or woman) but I feel no one wants me. Half the time I feel I give off this vibe that I don't want to be loved by someone else.

I know falling in love will happen someday, but having faith and hope that it will happen is quite hard. It's mostly why I don't talk about this subject and I find myself lost in fandom reading wonderful and amazing stories by talented writers that put their heart and soul into the story.

I would love to date and be in a relationship.
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