yonkyu | Entries tagged with feelings

I’ve realized the people who helped me for a long time with my writing as my beta can no longer (at this time in life) be my beta. I’m sad about it (but it’s reality) and looking for someone else to help me and be my beta. I plan on writing in the Roswell New Mexico fandom and Supernatural fandom. If you could help me help alongside my girl [Bad username or unknown identity: infp-obsessing-over-everything], I would be honored!!

I've realized I've been MIA, but I've been around. I've been highly busy with karate and competing in virtual tournaments. I'm competing in many different events, and I'm happy with my progress. More specifically, I've come to accept I'm a champion, a competitor, a karateka, a mentor, and a teacher. There have been some tears along the way, but I have to admit that time and patience do the body, mind, and spirit well. I typically don't share things related to karate for different reasons but I had professional pictures done and this is one of my favorites. Sort of in my element!!

Along the way, I've reflected on my writing journey, and it's the same thing. I'm a writer, and I'm a readable writer. I have to work at my pace and know things will get better over time. I realized I'm better than I ever thought I was, and I can only get better. I may struggle with Fandom related stories, but I'm tired of not being able to write things my way. I hope to get better with being more in-character, but my versions of characters are where they are at this point. I'm working on it and will make sure to tag. Slight rant and positive side of things.

Crossposts: https://yonkyu.livejournal.com/216761.html

Good evening my friends,

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I hope everyone is doing well and I wish 2021 is better for all!!!! Miss you all! It's been nice to reconnect with some old friends through email!!!

Crossposts: https://yonkyu.livejournal.com/216221.html

Happy December!!!!

Happy Belated Thanksgiving!!!

I wish everyone a wonderful holiday season!!!

Crossposts: https://yonkyu.livejournal.com/215690.html

Hi Everyone,

Sorry for being MIA since the start of the lockdown.

Before the lockdown, I met up with my bestie, deanshot, up at VegasCon 2020, known as the no-touchy con. I have to say that I'm VERY GRATEFUL this convention ran as well as it did and was not canceled, even though it was rescheduled twice. I had the best time of my life that weekend and I hope to do it again in the future, even if it's not a convention.

When I arrived home, I worked 3 days that week, and March 13 I was told we would be closed for two weeks. Two weeks turned into three months. At the beginning of the shutdown, I was not in a good place at all. I didn't know what to do with myself. It was nice to have a break but then I had to do Zoom with my toddler class and that was an experience. They did well and it was great to see them every day even if it was just on a screen.

I did find my footing at being home with my parents. I would do my Zoom call in the morning, do some professional development, and play video games, which I didn't have to play by myself. I was able to play with a friend and all my karate kids under the age of 14 play Fortnite and Animal Crossing. Once they found out I was home, they FaceTimed me nonstop. Some times I had to explain that I was in meetings and doing work things and I would play later.

And, what else did I do during this time, I wrote. I know, surprising right. Well, I wrote at least five different works for my original works at Madrona and I was very excited and happy with myself for completing rough drafts, which was something I never did before. So YAY for me. Now, its time for editing and I've been avoiding it like you would not believe. My goal moving forward is EDITING!!!

Hope all of my online friends are doing well!!! I miss you all!!!

Crossposts: https://yonkyu.livejournal.com/215223.html

Everyone talks about how successful they are and sometimes I wonder am I successful too. I wonder what do people claim makes them successful. Half the time I hear people are successful if they bought a house, got married, had a baby, adopted a pet, have a great profession. I have to think, yes, those things help make a person successful but what about other things the little things that are successful too.

I’m successful too, I just may not have what others claim is successful, but may consider these things too.

I’m successful because I earned my Master’s Degree in Early Childhood Education.
I’m successful because I have a well-established job/profession/career.
I’m successful because I can travel around the world.
I’m successful because I’m a black belt in Martial Arts.
I’m successful because I love to compete to improve my skills.
I’m successful because I love teaching the next generation of martial artists.
I’m successful because I’m passionate about reaching my goals.
I’m successful because I own my vehicle.
I’m successful because I’m a writer.
I’m successful because I keep keeping to improve my writing skills.
I’m successful because I have meaningful friendships and relationships with others.
I’m successful because I want to be the best person I can me.
I’m successful because I push myself through self-doubt, insecurities, the unknown to achieve my goals in life, writing, and martial arts.

I am successful. We all are successful. We each go about it in our way.

New Year’s Resolutions.

Maintain a healthy weight.
Write every day.
Practice kata, techniques, and stance every other day.
Connect with others.
Make new friends.
Reconnect with old friends.
Make time for more self-care.
Go out of my comfort zone.
Post on my blog monthly.

I hope everyone’s new year and new decade are filled with dreams coming true and memories full of joy.

Crossposts: https://yonkyu.livejournal.com/213061.html

So, I've come to realize that I have not posted since February. I am alive and well. Sadly, I lost my grandmother at the beginning of February and its been hard even now. Things have changed but I no longer worry about something bad happening to her. She is now back with my dear love who she has missed dearly for nearly eleven years. I miss you Mem, but know with all my heart you and Pep are with me all the time!!! <3

I took a creative writing non-fiction class and passed with an A. I'm taking creative writing this semester and I'm looking forward to it!!!

I've been completing in more tournaments this year and I've grown as a competitor. I will let you know how I made out when the season is complete!!!

I just completed the great inflatable race on Saturday and has a blast. Wish I knew ahead of time that my Dad could have walked it with me while I made my way through the different obstacle bounce inflatables. It was a great day and I made it through in about 45 minutes from start to finish!!! I even got a medal for participating!!! Afterward, my parents and I went to brunch!! It was very delicious.

I'll be participating in the DWBB challenge again and like usual my self-doubt and what my finished product would be plaques my mind. Trying to push that all out of my mind and find the love and fun I have for writing. Be on the lookout sometime next year for posting. also, I need to push myself to write more and be consistent with write short stories to post for practice, something I've been lacking for some time. Thanks for listening.

Crossposts: https://yonkyu.livejournal.com/212126.html

Not sure how to explain it all without being emotional over it. I survived my first full week at work. Yes, you heard that right. I finally have a job!!! I'm enjoying it so far and there are a handful of people that have been very sweet and kind to me!! I also met the young woman who I will be mentoring. This teacher is working with pre-kindergarten age students and wants to work with toddlers. So, I will be supporting her with this change and I've already had the opportunity to work with her and she is amazing and will transition nicely. Our classroom needs to have some added plumbing and supplies ordered in order for the classroom to be accepted by the licenser. It will be a process but we are hoping it will be up and running by March. I feel its slightly quick but you never know what can happen. We are brainstorming what we want to call our classroom, for example, the butterflies, or something else. We both like it and will try to find a way to talk more about it too.

So, long story short, the first job I accepted was in a federal building and I needed to have a federal background check. As of two weeks ago, my status is still pending. Needless to say, finances were beginning to change and unemployment benefits don't help completely. So, I went back on the hunt for a job and pretty much got hired on the spot. Meaning, I had the interview on a Thursday and the next Thursday I was working.

I'm adjusting well and getting into a routine of working and taking a class at the local community college.

The class is going well and I feel slightly out of place. Though, the professor has been kind and supportive. I'll be nervous when we start writing and working in groups to hear feedback. I'm ready for it despite the fact I'm setting myself up for the negativity than positivity. Though, I'm really excited about that part and overcome the not so great things about my writing. And not to take it so personally. Or as a target towards me. More about the class as time goes on.

Current Mood: calm
Crossposts: https://yonkyu.livejournal.com/211677.html

One year I posted my reflections during the Advent season. And I've been planning to do it this season as well. I know that I'm a few weeks behind and all, but that is ok. I was away in Atlanta for a few days and enjoyed a concert while I was out there. But, my mind was on a friend who had to get off the plane before take off. She is doing well and safe.

So, in the long run, I will most likely be combining my reflections and putting them under a cut. I've been quite MIA and I apologize for that but sadly I needed the time for me.

On a good note, my friend and I completed our DWBB story and it's off with the beta and in the hands of the artist as we speak. I'm so very excited about this challenge and quite pleased with myself that I accomplished what I set out to do. Though I have to say, my friend was a rock and held my hand through my time of struggle. Love you, hun!!!

Crossposts: https://yonkyu.livejournal.com/206690.html

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Current Mood: blah
Crossposts: https://yonkyu.livejournal.com/204232.html

Lately, I've been in a weird place and I'm crawling out of it one step at a time. And I've been having a hard time explaining it and I just need to get some stuff off my chest.

Work: So the boss of craziness has been back and how does an environment that was tense get even worse. I hate walking on eggshells and having to explain myself multiple times to be believed. And within the last three weeks, my co-teacher and I had to complete a portfolio for NAEYC that was due Jan 31. In reality, we had about two and a half weeks to complete it. We worked together and got it done. Then today, I was yelled at by my co-teacher because I did not have the attendance completed. While when I realized I had no form to complete it and never got office time to get it done, and having a new child attached to me and would become upset if I left the room, I could not complete this task. So, I feel like I can't do anything right or be human.

Writing: This has gotten better and I'm trying to find a way to keep my confidence up. I've been taking things slow and really working through each step to make my stories better and better. I take the time to write and then go back to it and start the editing process to write again and again. Or write more and more. I've been attempting to try new things and really come out of my comfort zone. I writing what I like and with characters that speak to me. I have yet to rewatch some episodes to watch and study specific characters and have a better connection with said characters for my writing. Really get inside the why of a character and focus on one topic at a time. It's been part of the reason why I have not posted much.

Small Business Building: So this is something I don't talk much away, but I use essential oils and I have liked the benefits I have had with the use of them. And I have the opportunity to grow a business and I just had my first workshop sharing essential oils. It's something I'm willing to try to earn some extra cash and to see if I have the power to grow and meet new people, go out of my comfort zone. It's something I'm going to work slowly on building and seeing how it goes.

Karate: So, I've been doing karate for almost 19 years and just received my 6th Degree Black Belt last month. And last year I attended a few more tournaments that I would normally do, again trying to come out of my comfort zone. So, this year, I made a promise to myself that I would go to all the close to home tournaments and see how I do. See if I receive feedback from the judges and/or the competitors. Right now I have received some wonderful and helpful feedback and I'm so grateful and honored to receive it and accept it (something that's hard to accept in many aspects of my life, writing included). It's never been about the medals or trophies, it's about going out there and taking a chance on myself. Pushing myself to do what I'm capable of doing and achieving. I signed up for this tournament group Ippone and will attempt to complete as many tournaments as I can. At the end of the year, there are special awards given out, I'm curious to see if I would receive any. But I'm trying something new and going outside my comfort zone.

Current Mood: blah
Crossposts: https://yonkyu.livejournal.com/203103.html

So, I thought I would take the time to update everyone on some things. I know I posted about to grieve and that is something I'm dealing with and giving myself time to heal. Just doing my best to remember the good times we shared!!

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Crossposts: https://yonkyu.livejournal.com/201544.html

I know that I have not been posting lately and just know that I'm around and checking everyone's posts. I've been dealing with grieve and it's not always easy. In the last few months I've lost four people who were a part of my family (by blood and non-blood family) and some days I struggle. We all heal in our own way and sometimes I have to keep moving forward while remembering all the good moments and times we have had with one another.

So I just want you all to know that I care and miss you. Time will heal and its okay to have moments of sadness.

Crossposts: https://yonkyu.livejournal.com/201419.html

No sure if many people know this but my neck of the woods had severe storms Sunday night into Monday. High winds and rains. At about 2:35 AM on Monday morning we lost power and the estimated restoration is November 2, by 11:45 PM. I've been going back and forth to my grandmother's house to charge up my cell and Ipod that I have been using as an alarm clock. I brought my charges with me to work for the same reason. So, I won't be on here much but know that I'm thinking about everyone.