The Real Me

Sunday was the start of Advent and every year my church has Advent Books to help support prayer and preparations of Christ. It runs for 4 weeks and every day there is a prayer and passage with a question at the end. I will be posting the question with my response. It will be friends locked and under a cut. Its just another way to help support my writing and find the confidence in myself. I've been wanting to do this for a while now and I'll be starting it tonight.

It's okay if you don't read it or anything. I respect everyone's opinions and beliefs of one's own religion.

Well its been awhile since I posted anything majorly going on.  I have to admit that over the last month I have been extremely stressed, overwhelmed, low self-esteem, and feeling like I am sitting in a corner with my knees to my chest, rocking back and forth alone.  I have so much going on right now and its really hard to handle.  I have expressed these feelings to friends but let me say that they have not been very helpful what so ever.  Every time I try to express my self, they make a comment that is suppose to be supportive and then the conversation goes right back to being about them.  Its gotten to the point I really don't want to share anything with them at the moment.  I don't need negative people in my life right now.

First to start off I was recently rear-ending on a snowy day at a red light.  Damages were worth over a few thousand dollars.  I am doing well, no injuries.  My car has been in the shop for a week and I called them up to see how things were going.  I found out that there were more damages once they started working on it but nothing major so that is good!! I will be getting another check due to the new damages they found.  Its just been stressful because I am driving my mom's car and I have not problem driving it, its just not the same as mine. :/  But the guy did say that I should get it back by the end of the week.

Second I applied for my masters program.  YAY!!! I am excited about it and wanting to start the program.  I start in March or April.  I had printed out a paper to request my official transcript and I faxed it over to the registrar office 2 1/2 weeks ago.  I called them up and they said they never received it.  I had to send it over again 2 more times to see if they will finally send the transcript over to the school.  So I am hoping it arrives by the end of the week or beginning of next week.

Thirdly I am so overwhelmed with my friend's wedding.  I am a bridesmaid in her wedding.  The bride wants a Jack and Jill party.  So the bridal party is in the process of planning it.  I was the first and only person to get invitations out ON-TIME, while the others were 3 days later.  Also any of the suggestions I share are turned down.  I suggested, if they are buying tickets to get in, why can't they bring in a gift card of the amount of the ticket instead since the money we are collecting is for the bride and groom.  I was shoot down right away.  The party is in 2 weeks and we still don't have a FINAL head count of how many are coming either.  So I am creating a movie basket raffle, buying bracelets (as a favor), and chips with different dips and hummus.  Finally the bridal party BOUGHT their dresses and shoes.  The dresses are not due in until May 7th, 6 weeks BEFORE the wedding.  I hope alterations will be quick and smoothly.

Fourthly I am still having issues with my boss and co-teacher.  My boss is still rude, belittling, and shows favoritism.  Its really not the best environment from my boss, but I feel confident to express feelings with her boss.  My co-teacher NEVER does what she is suppose to do.  Everyone has to do what she does not do on top of what each person already has to do.  So its like I am doing 2 jobs in one, or like 3 jobs in one.

SO in a nut shell I feel like shit and worthless and no one to really turn to too express my feelings.  The only hope and light I have is trying to write the next section for my story.  I have gotten a lot of advice and suggestions regarding the subject material.  I don't get much email as it is and it would be nice to get an email with some encouraging words and hope!!!  Anything would make me happy, even a fic written just for me, or a manip, or even a gif from a website, I don't care, anything to bring a smile to my face.

Well, I have my new laptop and I am just checking out everything on it.  I will have to get used to some of the things on here but its all good for now.  All my documents were saved so now I can work on my story again!!!

Anyways I usually don't express my feelings regarding the J's personal lives by any means, but recently I read a post and people who claim they are TRUE FANS are being very rude, disrespectful, and blaming one of the J's for causing a situation when its neither one of the J's fault at all. To me the J's are a team and should be shown respect from everyone, fans, and the business. It is sad that the business is putting a wedge between the guys again and will probably continue doing it as long as Supernatural is on the air. As a fan, their friendship and love for each other make this show and I would hate for it to go south because the business finds it necessary to put them away. As a fan, if they ever came out and expressed and shared with the world that they are in a loving relationship, I would continue to watch the show until the series ends and support their relationship. I am so amazed that there are Dean girls, Sam girls, which then translates to Jared girl, Jensen girl. I have to say, yes, I may be a Dean girl, but that does not mean I am never a Sam girl. Both men are amazing actors and deserve more recognition for their talent among fans and the business. I love both Jared and Jensen and have seen everything they have been in. I respect their characters and the individuals they are in this world. I know some say that it has been recently a Dean show and that hurts as being a fan. And I know others are mad that Dean has to keep another secret from Sam and Dean again shows that he needs his family more then his family needs him. Just remember who is in control of the series of Supernatural and who creates the story lines for Sam and Dean. Sometimes I think they gave Jared the story lines but to them Jared is the better, strong, and more talented actor, in some form of way. Anyway I am never like this when it comes to the show or the guys, but this just hit a chord with me. Anyway, I know that their are people who will hate me for writing this, and I am fine with that, I just needed to get it out there.

I know its been a long time since I have been on here.  I been addicted to Facebook to be honest and playing those stupid addicting games on there.  Anyway I wanted to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to all my FList who had a birthday in January and February.

I know its been a while but I hope to get back into write more stories and sharing comments with my friends.  Life has been crazy in the last few months.

I was demoted twice at work and I asked why and said that these were her needs of the center at the time.  So I made the decision to move on and get a new postion somewhere else.  I got the job right away.  I was shocked because there was 4 days of interviews and I was the first person called to get the job.  I was shocked and excited at that information.  I started at Early Head Start on Valentine's Day and it was the best day ever.  I got treated with respect and my co-teachers are amazing and really helpful.  I have been there almost a month and I am very happy with my decision on making the change.  Almost today I had a meeting to work on a child's progress and it went really well.  My manager was very impressed on how I handled the meeting and how quick I learned my new students in my care.  It really made me happy to know that I was respected for how I am as a teacher.  Though it took 10 years to happen but glad to know that I found a place that is the right one for me.

Also I am trying to get back into write so I can try writing my Big Bang story that I started and heopfully munibunny is still intersted in helping me out with the grammar and cheerleader advice.  A long with others who are willing to be cheerleaders!!!!