What's wrong with me?
Feb. 21st, 2016 06:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yonkyuWell, it's been a while since I shared an update about myself and I have to say, I don't even know where to start.
I guess I will start with Fandom. I remember joining the SPN Fandom sometime back in 2008 and I loved reading the multiple stories I had found within the year. I met a few people on here by leaving comments on their lovely stories and/or artwork. Then a friend of mine,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fiery_fox2 got me into writing my own stories, I was very hesitant, but I gave it a try, so I wrote about the boys become vampires. I found fandom a release of reality, I lost my grandfather that year due to cancer. I found Supernatural help ease my pain of the loss and immersing myself into the SPN Fandom of stories and artwork. Then sadly, I left the fandom in 2009, I can't even tell you why I even left in the first place, but I found my way back in 2013 and I am so pleased I came back. Lost some friends on the way, but its due to my own self, not theirs. Then I met some new friends and I am honored to have them in my life. Thank you for being my friend, deanshot, aelia1980, deanlives, vexed_wench, and lotrspnfangirl. They helped me get back into writing, keep trying, and never quit. Thank you for being there for me and always encouraging me to keep trying. I have been focusing on the showing rather than the telling and it's been a challenge though I have enjoyed writing everything I have written. I always hope to receive a wonderful comment by those who decide to read my stories, but I have yet received one. I know it's silly but I wish I could get that one comment regarding my story, to continue to push me forward on my journey with writing fanfiction. I will never be well known or get many reviews, but it's fun writing them, whether I shared them with others or not. Now I have been part of some communities that I help run and run my own community, and well, truth be told I feel like I am letting my friends down. I feel like I am not participating or keep the community up to date like I should. I feel like I am letting them down and I don't blame them if they want to replace me. I will continue to do what I can and make the communities a fun place to belong and want others to join in on the fun as well. I will follow a list of chores that need to be done for the communities, anything to keep it going strong. Though, I will say, please keep me away from the journal style since I already made a mistake with it and I don't want to make another one.
I was recently going through my friends feed and realized that I have been horrible as a friend or even a fandom member. I don't comment as much as I like, but I try to make sure the author knows how much I like their story. I know how it helps them continue to write stories and complete them. I am sorry to my fellow fandom members for the lack of comments. Many of you are amazing writers and artists that sometimes I don't even know what to say. You have talent and it deserves to be shown, not just in fandom but for the world to see your creative side you lock up just for Fandom. Many of you inspire me to write my own stories with my own original plot, but as for keeping it going, it's sometimes hard to push myself to follow through and write a well-written story. I am currently working on my Big Bang story and I am quite pleased with what I have so far but, I fear sharing it with others and it won't be received well at all. I am also co-writing a story with a good friend and I feel like I am letting her down. I feel bad and I hope to add my portion to the story and see what she thinks about it. I am not the greatest writer out there and as much as I keep pushing forward to make progress, I feel like I am taking 10 steps backward. But the good thing is that we are communicating with each other about our thoughts about the story and that's all that matters. But I will make a promise to complete these 2 stories within a reasonable time. Also, I want to apologize to those that I owe stories to as well. You will get your story, just the muse is not there because I am putting all my thoughts on other projects. Sorry. I will make sure they get down and I am sorry that you never received it when it was due way back on January 6th. It will get done, I will make a promise to complete it.
On the other front, my mom had her surgery this week. They removed all cancer and never had to touch the nerve. I am so grateful everything went well. Mom is home now, resting, gaining her strength back, and will be starting radiation within a month.
Anyway, I hope to be a better friend and reach out when I need a hug. Anyway, I am sorry for the rant or sadness, but I needed to get it out.
I guess I will start with Fandom. I remember joining the SPN Fandom sometime back in 2008 and I loved reading the multiple stories I had found within the year. I met a few people on here by leaving comments on their lovely stories and/or artwork. Then a friend of mine,
fiery_fox2 got me into writing my own stories, I was very hesitant, but I gave it a try, so I wrote about the boys become vampires. I found fandom a release of reality, I lost my grandfather that year due to cancer. I found Supernatural help ease my pain of the loss and immersing myself into the SPN Fandom of stories and artwork. Then sadly, I left the fandom in 2009, I can't even tell you why I even left in the first place, but I found my way back in 2013 and I am so pleased I came back. Lost some friends on the way, but its due to my own self, not theirs. Then I met some new friends and I am honored to have them in my life. Thank you for being my friend, deanshot, aelia1980, deanlives, vexed_wench, and lotrspnfangirl. They helped me get back into writing, keep trying, and never quit. Thank you for being there for me and always encouraging me to keep trying. I have been focusing on the showing rather than the telling and it's been a challenge though I have enjoyed writing everything I have written. I always hope to receive a wonderful comment by those who decide to read my stories, but I have yet received one. I know it's silly but I wish I could get that one comment regarding my story, to continue to push me forward on my journey with writing fanfiction. I will never be well known or get many reviews, but it's fun writing them, whether I shared them with others or not. Now I have been part of some communities that I help run and run my own community, and well, truth be told I feel like I am letting my friends down. I feel like I am not participating or keep the community up to date like I should. I feel like I am letting them down and I don't blame them if they want to replace me. I will continue to do what I can and make the communities a fun place to belong and want others to join in on the fun as well. I will follow a list of chores that need to be done for the communities, anything to keep it going strong. Though, I will say, please keep me away from the journal style since I already made a mistake with it and I don't want to make another one. I was recently going through my friends feed and realized that I have been horrible as a friend or even a fandom member. I don't comment as much as I like, but I try to make sure the author knows how much I like their story. I know how it helps them continue to write stories and complete them. I am sorry to my fellow fandom members for the lack of comments. Many of you are amazing writers and artists that sometimes I don't even know what to say. You have talent and it deserves to be shown, not just in fandom but for the world to see your creative side you lock up just for Fandom. Many of you inspire me to write my own stories with my own original plot, but as for keeping it going, it's sometimes hard to push myself to follow through and write a well-written story. I am currently working on my Big Bang story and I am quite pleased with what I have so far but, I fear sharing it with others and it won't be received well at all. I am also co-writing a story with a good friend and I feel like I am letting her down. I feel bad and I hope to add my portion to the story and see what she thinks about it. I am not the greatest writer out there and as much as I keep pushing forward to make progress, I feel like I am taking 10 steps backward. But the good thing is that we are communicating with each other about our thoughts about the story and that's all that matters. But I will make a promise to complete these 2 stories within a reasonable time. Also, I want to apologize to those that I owe stories to as well. You will get your story, just the muse is not there because I am putting all my thoughts on other projects. Sorry. I will make sure they get down and I am sorry that you never received it when it was due way back on January 6th. It will get done, I will make a promise to complete it.
On the other front, my mom had her surgery this week. They removed all cancer and never had to touch the nerve. I am so grateful everything went well. Mom is home now, resting, gaining her strength back, and will be starting radiation within a month.
Anyway, I hope to be a better friend and reach out when I need a hug. Anyway, I am sorry for the rant or sadness, but I needed to get it out.