What SPN means to me!
Nov. 12th, 2014 07:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yonkyuI'm been inspired by others pages who have shared there thoughts and feelings about Supernatural and the accomplishment of the 200th episode. Well I'm going to share my thoughts and feelings too and not worry about what others think regarding my opinions. I have shown respect to others and who never hurt another's feelings on purpose.
Supernatural started in 2005. And I was graduating with my Associate's Degree in Early Childhood Education. I was looking forward to starting my next journey with going for my Bachelor's Degree in the same field. I was also a black belt in karate too and it felt like the world was changing for better things to come in my life.
I discovered Supernatural Fan Fiction and the meaning behind wincest. I did't understand what everyone saw and I surely didn't understand the meaning of wincest. Well, it wasn't until my first friend in the fandom, explained it to me, and I watched some episodes more then once, when it hit me. I got it and it made sense. Plus, she was the first person to ever believe in my writing and encouraged me to write my very own fan fiction. LOL. Well I was completely out of my element and I took a chance and started writing. I have not written much but just trying something new and enjoying it, made me feel great.
I become part of fandom in 2007 until 2009 and I met and made some amazing friends. They encouraged me to join in and become part of fandom. I read many, many wonderful stories that it home for me. Then sadly, in 2008, my grandfather passed away to cancer, pancreatic cancer. I was away on a trip with my friends and I found out when I got home. It was his dying wish, "Tell her when she gets home, she's having fun with her friends." I remember being so upset with him about keeping it from me, but realized it was the right decision for him and myself. I would have been a mess if I found out while I was away that he passed and wouldn't enjoy the rest of my trip.
This is the same recognition Sam and Dean have had over the years. Sam has his way of expressing himself to make his point to Dean. Dean has is own way of expressing himself to Sam to make his point to Sam. Though somewhere in the middle they forget the meaning of brothers, their love, and devotion to one another along their journey to the end of time. And over the last 2 years, they EACH made mistakes that pushed them away from each other. No matter what the consequences were, they were more disappointed in each other. Brothers will be brothers and keeping secrets is what they do. Though I think in both Sam and Dean's mind, their secrets had to be, each their own burden, so the other would not get hurt and carry their burden for them. It wasn't until season 9 that Sam and Dean had to come out of their comfort zone, and until now Sam and Dean are able to rediscover their connection, being brothers, their love and devotion that was always there, just below the surface because neither one wanted to disappoint the other.
I'm proud of Sam for standing up to his brother and giving him the tough love that Dean never wanted to hear and be a disappointed to another person in his life that means so much to him. Sam is tired of all the secrets, the personal burdens, and sacrifices that really don't need to happen for them to win the battle. Sam has been trying to help Dean realize this and that life is a gray area, not strictly black and white. Sam has come to terms that his family means the world to him and as much as he didn't want to be a part of it in the long run, its a part of him whether he likes it or not. Sam believes in Dean, its Sam's hero, brother, soul mate, its the two of them against the world. Something Sam has been trying to get across in Dean's mind - that he matters to others, but more importantly to Sam. I think it takes a man - comfortable in his own body and shoes - to express himself in the manner he always has. Sam has always wanted the best for Dean, but trying to show him and tell him never seemed to make it through the wall Dean had up. I think Sam has started to see his Dean come back to him and in a nut shell, it took Dean to become a Demon to start realizing the little dance between them.
I'm proud of Dean for fighting for his family - whether his family wanted it or not. I think Dean listens more then he lets on and hears the "subtext" of whats not being said as well. Dean knows Sam cares and loves him, just like he does. Though Dean hates it when the truth of his actions are placed in his face and on his plate of what he has done wrong yet again. Dean feels like no matter what he does, whether its right or wrong, the choice he makes is ALWAYS the wrong one. I won't put it past Dean in some ways, wonder why Sam stays with him. Dean puts Sam in danger, doesn't consider the consequences of those actions, and he can only trust himself. I think he has been let down so many times by many different people, including his family, that he's not worthy to be fixed, encouraged, or supported to be the good man he tries so hard to be. Seeing Dean open up (something Sam has been waiting years for) is a step up for Dean. Dean is beginning to realize that his brother would do anything to save him as he has done to save Sam. Dean is beginning to see the gray areas of life and wonders if he can change for the better - for himself and Sam. Dean is tired of making the wrong choices and wants to make the right ones - not just for himself but for Sam too. Dean might be Sam's hero, but Sam has always been Dean's hero, because he wants to be more like his brother and define himself for the first time in his life. I'm excited to see their new journey, back on the road as brothers again, on the same page!!
So the brothers journey is what I look forward to every week, hoping and praying that they would finally get back on the same page and be brothers again.
I was gone from fan fiction and fandom for 4 years. I came back in 2012/2013 and so much of fan fiction and fandom had changed and had grown so much over the time I was gone. I was able to reconnect with friends I hadn't spoken too for some time. Since I have been back I have made some new friends and back on the journey of writing. Though I must say, I feel like a newbie and that I don't really belong in the fandom. I might not writing much for stories or share my views about episodes because I fear the hate and negativity of what I might say. I've been very pleased and happy to have come back and feel confident in myself again. This is the only place I feel completely myself and have the right to express myself within my comfort zone. Though I don't really feel like I'm truly part of the fandom or that I'm even wanted. I found the joy reading fan fiction had brought me and enjoy the characters that have grown up with me over the years. I feel confident in sharing my thoughts and know a select few to share their feedback with me.
Thank you fandom for helping me get over my grandfathers death.
Thank you to my friends that have helped me find my voice and be confident in myself.
Thank you for Supernatural for completing the circle by bringing family, brothers, and hope for better things to come.
Thank you for all that I have learned from you and will continue to learn for many more years to come!!!
Supernatural started in 2005. And I was graduating with my Associate's Degree in Early Childhood Education. I was looking forward to starting my next journey with going for my Bachelor's Degree in the same field. I was also a black belt in karate too and it felt like the world was changing for better things to come in my life.
I discovered Supernatural Fan Fiction and the meaning behind wincest. I did't understand what everyone saw and I surely didn't understand the meaning of wincest. Well, it wasn't until my first friend in the fandom, explained it to me, and I watched some episodes more then once, when it hit me. I got it and it made sense. Plus, she was the first person to ever believe in my writing and encouraged me to write my very own fan fiction. LOL. Well I was completely out of my element and I took a chance and started writing. I have not written much but just trying something new and enjoying it, made me feel great.
I become part of fandom in 2007 until 2009 and I met and made some amazing friends. They encouraged me to join in and become part of fandom. I read many, many wonderful stories that it home for me. Then sadly, in 2008, my grandfather passed away to cancer, pancreatic cancer. I was away on a trip with my friends and I found out when I got home. It was his dying wish, "Tell her when she gets home, she's having fun with her friends." I remember being so upset with him about keeping it from me, but realized it was the right decision for him and myself. I would have been a mess if I found out while I was away that he passed and wouldn't enjoy the rest of my trip.
This is the same recognition Sam and Dean have had over the years. Sam has his way of expressing himself to make his point to Dean. Dean has is own way of expressing himself to Sam to make his point to Sam. Though somewhere in the middle they forget the meaning of brothers, their love, and devotion to one another along their journey to the end of time. And over the last 2 years, they EACH made mistakes that pushed them away from each other. No matter what the consequences were, they were more disappointed in each other. Brothers will be brothers and keeping secrets is what they do. Though I think in both Sam and Dean's mind, their secrets had to be, each their own burden, so the other would not get hurt and carry their burden for them. It wasn't until season 9 that Sam and Dean had to come out of their comfort zone, and until now Sam and Dean are able to rediscover their connection, being brothers, their love and devotion that was always there, just below the surface because neither one wanted to disappoint the other.
I'm proud of Sam for standing up to his brother and giving him the tough love that Dean never wanted to hear and be a disappointed to another person in his life that means so much to him. Sam is tired of all the secrets, the personal burdens, and sacrifices that really don't need to happen for them to win the battle. Sam has been trying to help Dean realize this and that life is a gray area, not strictly black and white. Sam has come to terms that his family means the world to him and as much as he didn't want to be a part of it in the long run, its a part of him whether he likes it or not. Sam believes in Dean, its Sam's hero, brother, soul mate, its the two of them against the world. Something Sam has been trying to get across in Dean's mind - that he matters to others, but more importantly to Sam. I think it takes a man - comfortable in his own body and shoes - to express himself in the manner he always has. Sam has always wanted the best for Dean, but trying to show him and tell him never seemed to make it through the wall Dean had up. I think Sam has started to see his Dean come back to him and in a nut shell, it took Dean to become a Demon to start realizing the little dance between them.
I'm proud of Dean for fighting for his family - whether his family wanted it or not. I think Dean listens more then he lets on and hears the "subtext" of whats not being said as well. Dean knows Sam cares and loves him, just like he does. Though Dean hates it when the truth of his actions are placed in his face and on his plate of what he has done wrong yet again. Dean feels like no matter what he does, whether its right or wrong, the choice he makes is ALWAYS the wrong one. I won't put it past Dean in some ways, wonder why Sam stays with him. Dean puts Sam in danger, doesn't consider the consequences of those actions, and he can only trust himself. I think he has been let down so many times by many different people, including his family, that he's not worthy to be fixed, encouraged, or supported to be the good man he tries so hard to be. Seeing Dean open up (something Sam has been waiting years for) is a step up for Dean. Dean is beginning to realize that his brother would do anything to save him as he has done to save Sam. Dean is beginning to see the gray areas of life and wonders if he can change for the better - for himself and Sam. Dean is tired of making the wrong choices and wants to make the right ones - not just for himself but for Sam too. Dean might be Sam's hero, but Sam has always been Dean's hero, because he wants to be more like his brother and define himself for the first time in his life. I'm excited to see their new journey, back on the road as brothers again, on the same page!!
So the brothers journey is what I look forward to every week, hoping and praying that they would finally get back on the same page and be brothers again.
I was gone from fan fiction and fandom for 4 years. I came back in 2012/2013 and so much of fan fiction and fandom had changed and had grown so much over the time I was gone. I was able to reconnect with friends I hadn't spoken too for some time. Since I have been back I have made some new friends and back on the journey of writing. Though I must say, I feel like a newbie and that I don't really belong in the fandom. I might not writing much for stories or share my views about episodes because I fear the hate and negativity of what I might say. I've been very pleased and happy to have come back and feel confident in myself again. This is the only place I feel completely myself and have the right to express myself within my comfort zone. Though I don't really feel like I'm truly part of the fandom or that I'm even wanted. I found the joy reading fan fiction had brought me and enjoy the characters that have grown up with me over the years. I feel confident in sharing my thoughts and know a select few to share their feedback with me.
Thank you fandom for helping me get over my grandfathers death.
Thank you to my friends that have helped me find my voice and be confident in myself.
Thank you for Supernatural for completing the circle by bringing family, brothers, and hope for better things to come.
Thank you for all that I have learned from you and will continue to learn for many more years to come!!!