Finding Love through Nature - Chapter 1

[yonkyu]

CHAPTER ONE

Jensen - POV

It’s a hot summer night in Vancouver and the stars are shining brightly in the sky.  As Jensen parks his truck in the driveway, he notices there are no lights on inside.  Absentmindedly, he grabs his belongings and heads towards the large, pale yellow house.  He opens the door and turns the light on, places his belongings down on the floor near the hope chest.

Jensen thinks, it’s weird that Danni isn’t done filming yet.  Hope she’s just late.

He sighs and shrugs as he walks towards the living room to turn on the lamp on the oak end table.  He sits down on the large maroon couch, smirks, and picks up the phone to call in an order for delivery from his favorite pizza shop, Vancouver House of Pizza; a large pepperoni and mushroom calzone.

He walks to the kitchen to pull out a beer from the fridge and then heads back towards the couch.  Jensen flops down, turning on the TV to watch the Rangers vs. Red Sox game.  He twists the top off the beer and takes a long swig of the sweet citrus taste of the golden liquid.  He ponders the connection between good beer and sex.  The doorbell rings.  Jensen scowls, then realizes it must be his food.

Jensen opens the door, grabs the food, as he thrusts the money at the boy, saying “Here ya go kid,” and shuts the door with his foot.

Jensen heads back towards the couch with his calzone to finish watching the Rangers game.

Once he’s finished enjoying his food, Jensen gets up to throw the pizza box into the recycle bin when he notices a picture on the wall.  It’s a picture of him and Danni at the beach in Hawaii for their 7-year anniversary.  He stares at the image, losing himself in memories.

Jensen was kneeling behind Danni, on the circle beach towel facing the ocean.  He picked up the tanning oil that was by her right leg.  Danni just looked down at the bottle with dark eyes and looked back towards the ocean.  Jensen opened the bottle, placed a good amount on his hands, and gently rubbed them together.  He rested his hands on her shoulders and started rubbing in slow circular motions.  He continued to go in a circular motion down towards the middle of her back and Jensen could feel the tension in her body.  He didn’t understand why his girlfriend would feel so tense under his hands.  It made him feel guilty and self-conscious about what was going on between them.  He stopped what he was doing and sat Indian style behind her to the left to have a clear view of the ocean.  Jensen replaced the cap on the bottle and rolled it to her.  She reached out and picked it up without making eye contact.

Jensen just sighed; he knew a distance was growing between them, but he still loved her.  Jensen always wanted to give her everything, still planned to, but at that moment, he was struck with doubts and anxiety about where they stood.  Jensen knew that Danni was getting more opportunities for many different roles, for either movies or television.  He was always supportive of her in wanting to take risks in the industry to get her big break. 

Jensen made sure to be the gentleman he always thought Danni wanted, holding doors open for her and pulling out her chair.  He treated her like a princess, in her very own castle.  Now it seemed that wasn’t what she wanted after all. 

Jensen had a sick feeling that things between them were not right at all.  He needed to find a way to bring back that spark between them or his biggest fear would come true.  They had been together for 7 years now and he just could not comprehend how the little things they did for each other no longer seemed to mean much of anything.

With tears forming in his eyes, Jensen shakes his head.  He blinks them away.  He will be strong enough not to fall apart even though the familiar doubts have returned just from looking at the two-month-old photograph.  Yet, he knows that sooner or later, the stress of his anxiety is going to show its ugly face – whether he wants to admit it or not.

He feels stuck in a highly emotional state, holding him place in time.  He thinks it might be more than he can take.

His phone vibrates in his pocket.

Jensen jerks back to the here and now.  He fumbles with pulling the phone out and reads the text.

            Want 2 meet Chris & me at the bar?

Jensen smiles at the text; he hadn’t realized that Steve and Chris were in town for a gig at the local bar.  Jensen sends a text response.

            Sure.  Danni prob still @ work.

Jensen grabs his keys and heads out for the night to hang out with his friends.  He is so glad that Steve texted him, because Jensen was heading to bed after the game anyway and didn’t want to think about the gut feeling he has inside regarding Danni.

Jensen drives to the Starlight Bar, the most famous low- key bar in Vancouver, where most of the locals are known by name.

As Jensen walks through the doors, he can hear Steve singing karaoke on stage with Chris.  Pausing to watch his friend on stage, he can tell they’re drunk.  Steve is swaying in a circle while tapping his foot to the beat of the music.  His voice is too high-pitched and he is slurring his words.  Steve is laughing when he reaches the high notes and scratches at the sensation it makes on his vocal cords.

Laughing, Jensen feels the tension slowly leave his body while watching his drunken friends on stage singing We Will Rock You.

As Jensen starts towards the stage, Chris heads to the bar, and Steve makes his own way off stage.  The next thing Jensen knows, Chris is handing him a beer.  He accepts the beer and gives him a welcoming greeting.  Steve sees his favorite boys standing in the middle of the bar, talking without him.  Steve greets Jensen by giving him a warm hug and shows them where there table is for them to sit and talk.

“Hi, Jenny, what’s up?”

“Hi, Steve, I’m fine, just worried about Danni.  I hope she’s still safe at work.”

Steve - POV

“I honestly think she is fine, Jen.  Maybe she had to work late and was too busy to text you.”  Steve says with a small smile, soft tone, hoping Jensen won’t pick up on it because he does not want to share with Jen what he saw at the park today when he took Icarus for a walk.

Steve ponders what he should do.

Jensen picks up his beer and takes a sip.  Jensen relaxes as he falls into familiar banter with Chris.

“You’re probably right; I’m just reading way too much into it.”

Steve just sits back in the booth and watches his friends enjoying each other’s company with ease.  Steve thinks back to this afternoon at the park with Icarus.

Danneel had called Steve, asking for a favor since he was in town: would he take Icarus for a walk since she had work and Jensen was visiting family.  Steve hung up the phone and headed to their place and let himself in. He could hear the dog running down the stairs to greet his visitor.  Icarus rubbed up against Steve’s leg until he pet the dog’s head.  Steve found the leash on the hope chest and snapped it onto the collar.

He took Icarus to Greeley Park, where there was a dirt trail winding along a small lake.  Across the lake from the entrance of the park, there is a small forest, and large oak and maple trees line the trail on the left-hand side to offer shade to walkers.  The sweet sounds of robins and blue jays chirped in the trees.  Under some large oak trees benches faced the crystal clear lake. 

Danneel was there. 

She was there with a man. 

A man, not Jensen. 

She was there with a not Jensen man.  Kissing him.  On the bench.  Right there.  In public.

The man who was not Jensen was kissing Jensen’s girlfriend right there on that bench.

Right.  There.

Recently he’s noticed she hasn’t been checking in with Jensen as much as she used to, and the sparkle in her eyes when she’d look at Jensen seemed to be absent. 

Steve just hoped that she would be the one to break the news with Jensen.  It is going to come from her mouth not mine. 

Steve continued down the path to where the other dogs where near the dock that extended onto the lake.  He tossed sticks for Icarus and the other dogs to fetch, all the while keeping an eye on the make-out scene between Danneel and her “new” man.

It’s starting to get late, but he waited for her and her “kissing face” man to leave the park.  It made Steve’s anger boil even more when they left together in the same car. How long have those two been together? Surely it was a planned outing and he felt bad for his friend who was visiting his family while she had moved on to someone new.  He just didn’t want to know his best friend’s relationship was in trouble or so one-sided.  He knew Jensen was in love with her and a break-up would crush him.

Steve decided to take Icarus back to his place until Danneel was done working.  He didn’t feel comfortable leaving the dog alone, not knowing when Jensen would be getting back.  He felt like he was watching a movie where the main character wasn’t aware of someone finding out their secret.  He got the sense that it was pure luck of meeting her there; regardless of her intentions.

Jensen – POV

Jensen and his friends share some laughs about their younger days and the accomplishments each of them have achieved.  Jensen is pleased to share with his friends that his most treasured memory in his life is meeting Danneel.  Steve seems distracted and lost in his thoughts.

Jensen looks at his watch and yawns as he is trying to read the time.  It’s getting late. Danni, still has not texted him regarding where she is, which is very unlike her.

He stands and says good night to both Steve and Chris with a hug and a pat on each of their backs.  Jensen heads home for the night, wishing and hoping that Danneel will be there.

Jensen arrives at home and notices that the lights are still off.  He turns the key and opens the door, noticing a soft light and sound coming from the television.  As he enters the living room, Danneel is sitting on her favorite red leather chair with their dog, Icarus, at her feet.  He sits down next to her on the ottoman that goes with her special chair.

The look on her face creates an unsettled feeling in his stomach.  She looks up at him with deep sadness in her eyes.

“Jen, we need to talk.”

Jensen’s eyes bug out of his head when he hears these words.  He has no idea what she could possibly want to talk to him about.  Truthfully, he has been dreading the doubts for months, wondering when it will come out into the open.

“I have been thinking long and hard about this Jen.  I can’t continue to be in a relationship that is not based on love and sadly we have grown apart.”

“Danni, I know it’s been hard on us with your new movie and the final season of Supernatural, but we’ve always worked around our schedules.”

“I know we have, but I have to admit that we’re just going through the motions and I’m no longer in love with you; I love someone else.”

“Wait, what!  Danni, we can work this out!  I know sometimes it feels like we’re just going through the motions, but I am in love with you.”

She sadly shakes her head and says, “I know, but Jen, my love for you has changed and it wouldn’t be right for the both of us if I stayed.”

Jensen sits there and struggles to think of something to say, something to make her stay, when it hits him hard in the gut and heart: she is right.  A one-sided love isn’t enough to hold together their relationship, nor is it fair for him to try and make her stay.  Jensen struggles to keep himself composed long enough to say the words that will set them both free.

“I respect your honesty and love.  I wish you the best.”  Jensen says with deep sadness and hurt in his voice.

“Jen, you can keep Icarus.”

“What? Just Jen, you can keep Icarus!”

“I can’t stay – wait, you’re okay with this?  You’re letting me go? Just like that, no long fight about it.”

“Yes, I’ve realized that you are right, we are just going through the motions.  It could work if we both felt the same kind of love for one another as we once had, but we don’t.  It wouldn’t be fair to either of us to stay together as if we still loved each other like we had when we don’t.”

“Will you be okay?” Danni says with concern.

“I don’t know, but I’ll try.”

“Okay, you should keep Icarus, he always liked you better anyway, and he has been your dog from the start.”

“Thanks.”  Jensen says sheepishly.

After a few moments of silence, Danneel gets up from the chair, placing her hand on his.  Jensen stands up, holding her hand in his and walks her towards the door.

“Good-bye Danneel,” he says, trying to hold back the tears Jensen knows will fall once she is gone.

“Good-bye Jensen, take care of yourself.”  Danni says with pure hope for him in the end.

Jensen gives Danneel a hug good-bye and opens the door to let her go.  He watches her walk towards her car and the tears start to fall.  Jensen closes the door, leans up against it with his back towards it, and slides down the door to the floor.  His tears are falling freely now and he just lets it all out while he brings his knees up towards his chest and rocks back and forth.  Jensen stays that way for an hour and when his tears and breathing slow, he uncurls his body from the fetal position to a sitting with his legs stretched out and his back against the wall.  Too numb to do anything else, Jensen feels Icarus curl up next to him.    Now with his lap available, Icarus gently places his head on his legs and looks up at him with his big, understanding brown eyes, whimpering softly as if to comfort him.

Jensen pulls out his cell phone and looks for Jared’s name.  He finds it and sends a text.

Danni and I are over, we just broke up.  See you in the morning.

Jensen slides his body up the door and in a haze of grief, walks himself towards the bedroom, and cries himself to sleep, missing Jared’s text message back.

Chapter 2